My Monica

Why do bad things happen to good people? Well that’s life unfortunately. Today I found out that my Aunt Monica might have pancreatic cancer. I was devastated. Monica was my moms youngest sister. She lived with my family growing up and I always thought of her as my other sister. Monica was in high school during the time she lived with my family and I. I can remember very clearly playing dress up, cracking jokes and just messing around with her. She loved me. She loved me as though I was her own. I felt it. Both Monica and my mom have an overwhelmingly large capacity to love, and they did. They loved me. Finding out this news was very difficult and very triggering. I was upset, sad, and confused. How could this happen? Well in treatment, I was taught not to suppress my feelings and then act on an eating disorder behavior but rather feel. Feel my emotions. I sometimes am scared to feel my emotions. They are just so strong, so overwhelming for me to handle at times. But I did it anyways. I felt. It was difficult beyond words, but it eventually passed. I had a constant prayer in my heart as I was ‘feeling’. Then something beautiful happened. I felt peace. I know that everything will work out and that everything happens for a reason. I hope and pray that the extreme amount of pain Monica is in will pass. I love my Monica. Always have. Always will. 

- jac